Rock You Sideways
by Thrymja Freki
Summary: Rock band Singer Thalia Grace and Metal Guitarist Percy Jackson meet up at a gig in Amsterdam. How will things go when they wake up together after a drunken romp in the sheets? All-Human AU. Perlia.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Rock band Singer Thalia Grace and Metal Guitarist Percy Jackson meet at a gig in Amsterdam. How will things go when they wake up together after a drunken romp in the sheets?

I'M SORRY! MY MIND IS RESTLESS WITH IDEAS!

I don't own anything but the names of Percy's and Thalia's bands. The songs should be fairly recognizable. If not, I'll make a list at the bottom.

* * *

Percy sighed as he sipped on his Heineken, wishing oh-so-desperately he could be sleeping right now. At home, at least, with the girl he'd been dating for the past six months, Annabeth Chase.

They'd met at a gig last summer, and began talking from that point on. Ironically, his dad and her mom were business rivals.

"JACKSON, you're on," came the voice of Percy's manager, Luke Castellan. Percy sighed again, and grabbed his Gibson Flying V guitar, before he walked from backstage and in front of the roaring crowd. He was joined by his bassist friend, Nico Di'Angelo, and his drummer cousin, Jason Grace. Behind him was Charles Beckendorf, was their vocalist. They were a thrash metal band that went by the name of Nekrofoni.

Percy tapped his feet as he plugged his guitar in and got ready. Charles stepped up to the mic and tapped it three times.

"Who's ready to lose their fucking minds," he yelled. The crowd roared, and Percy took a deep breath.

"This is... I, Dementia, motherfuckers!" Percy looked at Jason and Nico, and exhaled into a downstroke, and the music began.

* * *

In the crowd, Thalia Grace's eyes never left her little brother's friend, and her VERY secret crush, Percy Jackson. Her dad owned their record label, so she got to go see the world while Jason and Percy rocked out.

She had her own band, but they were much softer than Nekrofoni. Her band was called Voxmortis, a punk rock band with her older sister, Artemis, her niece, Zoë, and her best friend, Reyna. But those three were back at the hotel, sleeping.

Idly, as she sipped on her whiskey, Thalia noticed she was bobbing her head to the music, and her vision was slightly blurry.

* * *

An hour later found Percy in the back of his tour bus, far too drunk to walk. Holding him up, and sitting on his lap, drunk herself, was Thalia. Jason was passed out in the floor a few feet away. Charles was in the back with Silena, and they were getting loud, much to Percy's dismay.

And then, Thalia kissed him, instinctively acting on her crush and the sounds of sex in the room next to them.

Every thought fled Percy as he responded. Small tingles ran up and down his spine, and he smiled stupidly as clothes found their way to the floor.

* * *

Thalia moaned as she felt something warm and soft move beneath her, and a small shock ran through her system.

Then she opened her eyes, and found out that her warm and soft pillow was her brother's friend, Percy.

Her eyes snapped open, and she saw that she was atop him, and he had several bite marks on his neck. His lips were swollen, and they were both naked.

Thalia shifted and gasped as she felt Percy inside her.

At that moment, she had two thoughts.

'Fuck,' and 'Artemis is going to kill me.'

Percy woke up, but spoke instead of thinking.

"The view totally makes up for the hangover..." Thalia blushed, and fell backwards, off the bus couch, and Percy slipped out.

"Did we actually do that," Thalia breathed, her eyes wide.

Percy rubbed his face, seemingly uncaring of his nudity, while Thalia clutched the blanket to herself.

"Everything points.. To.. Holy shit! Thalia!?" Immediately after shouting, he clutched his head.

"Hang on..." Percy wobbly got up and hobbled to the bathroom.

* * *

Later that night, Percy was sitting on his couch, holding a phone to his ear.

The phone clicked, and another voice, a gruffer version of Percy's, said, "Percy?"

"Dad! Hi.. I've uh... IsleptwithThalialastnightandnowI'mconfusedbecauseIdon'tregretit, (Breath) ButIdoregretbeingdrunkbutnowwe'reconfusedaboutwhatweare."

Percy's dad was Poseidon Jackson, Co-CEO of Olympus Boat Makers. Big name in boats. If you didn't own an Olympus Streamliner, you were obviously missing out.

Poseidon laughed, and you could hear his smile in his voice as he yelled out to Percy's mom.

"Sally! Get the photo albums ready," he boomed, before he returned his attention to Percy.

"Our family is extremely fertile. Us males especially. So, on that note, don't be surprised if you and her get a tiny bundle of joy and agony in the next year. Look, I gotta go. Athena and Freddie invited us over for dinner, and we're going to sign another business deal. And hey. Might wanna break the news to little Anna soon. Love ya, kiddo." The phone clicked, and Percy groaned.

"Fuuuuuck! Annabeth!" But before anything else happened, the door opened, and admitted Artemis and Thalia. Her glare gave Percy an idea about why they were here.

"Uh... We were drunk," he asked timidly, all bravado gone in the face of Thalia's older sister.

"If my little sister gets pregnant and you even TRY to ditch, I will cut your fucking balls off and fucking feed them to you. And then Dad will get a turn, and you know how much he likes science. Remember, Percy, what happened to Zoë's dad? Same thing will be happening to you, only worse." To accentuate her point, Artemis drew her ten inch long silver combat knife, and stabbed the seat right in front of his dick.

Percy was sweating nervously.

"My... My couch," he stammered, scooting back and raising his arms to protect his head.

"Shut up. This is your fault. You know damned well I mean business! So you get your fucking act together, and read this manual." Artemis smacked his face harshly with a thick book that read "Parenting for Dummies."

Then she left, leaving Thalia, and taking her knife back.

"D-Do you really think I might be p-pre-pregnant," Thalia asked, pulling a chair up.

Percy sighed and stood up.

"Maybe... D'you want a sandwich? I have turkey.." Thalia nodded, and he made her a turkey sandwich.

"I called Dad... He said that our family is extremely fertile," Percy said. Thalia was eating her sandwich with her knees drawn up to her chest, biting her lower lip.

"Look... If you are, I'll be there to help.. Your sister was right... I was more sober than you were, and I could have-" Turkey sandwich hit Percy in the face, shutting him up instantly.

"You were as drunk as I was, Percy Jackson. And this means you've got to break up with that Anniebarf girl, and be a man," she said.

Percy sighed, and cracked open a can of Nos.

"You know as well as I do that coming up with an excuse isn't gonna be easy."

"We'll go to London. Tell her that Dad booked us a tour over Asia."

She pushed Percy's Iris cellphone to his hand.

"Wipe the turkey off your face, too. You look ridiculous." Percy sighed, and pressed four on his number pad.

"Speed dial? Really?"

"Shut up."

The phone rang, and clicked, to a sound Percy never wanted to hear sober.

He immediately yelled, "BITCH! THIS IS A BREAK-UP CALL," and hung up the phone.

Thalia was laughing and rolling around on the floor.

"What? I lost it after hearing that. It sounded like four people going at that. And she was the only chick there..."

Percy closed his phone, and tossed it on the couch.

"So you resolved to yell 'Bitch, this is a break-up call,'" Thalia asked, smiling.

"Well, now I have no moral obligations out there. So freedom for me." Thalia smiled, and bit her lip again.

"Percy? Come here," she said, standing up. Percy narrowed his eyes in suspicion of the sudden command, but stepped closer to her.

Thalia huffed, and gripped Percy's collar, and slammed her lips onto his.

She gasped when she felt a powerful shock fill her body and smiled when Percy's hands gripped her hips.

Percy pulled back, grinning and dazed.

"Wow," he breathed.

Thalia licked his lips and then hers.

"Oh yeah. That was what I was looking for," she said.

The two smiled, and then kissed once more.

"DUDE. THAT'S MY SISTER!"

* * *

The song mentioned was I, Dementia by Whitechapel. They own it.

My favorite Whitechapel song :3


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing to say now. Onto the chap-I-tar!

* * *

Percy groaned as Jason glared at him from the doorway.

"I was drunk, Jace," he said, trying to avert the legendary temper their family had, but to no avail.

Jason's fist buried itself into Percy's jaw, sending him sprawling onto the floor.

"I was angry, Perce," came the mocking voice of his cousin. Percy rubbed his jaw as he stood back up.

Now, Percy was small, but his size belied his strength. And that strength was shown when he sucker punched his friend in the gut and gave him a lightning fast uppercut to the chin.

Thalia stepper between the two, and slugged the both of them. Both boys immediately fell down.

"Stop it, or I'll kick BOTH your asses," she said. She turned to Jason.

"Yeah, Percy may have gotten me pregnant. We won't know for sure for about a month. But I'll be damned if you start trying to play the defensive little brother act on your best friend, Jason Alexander Grace!" She whirled onto Percy.

"And you! Don't slug my little brother, or I will cut your fucking balls off with an old beer bottle! Got it!? Good! Now, get your asses up and make up! I still have to talk to dad about this, so sit down and talk it out. If I see one of you two BEGIN to fight, I'll invite both Zoë AND Artemis to tie you down and we'll find inventive ways to make you less of a male." Percy's mind blanched, and he nodded fearfully.

The three heard a small gasp, and turned to see Silena holding groceries.

"Oh. My. God. There's a Perlia now," squealed Silena.

"Dear gods... It's focusing on us, Thalia," Percy exclaimed. Silena's mother owned several dating websites, and had five kids. All of whom were obsessed with love.

"Silena, I'll let you have five seconds to start running," Thalia said. Her blue eyes held a spark of madness in them.

Jason looked at Percy.

"Restrain my sister. I'll cart Lena to Chuck," he whispered. They nodded at once, and moved as one.

Percy smoothly slid behind Thalia and gripped her waist, before he gently kissed her jaw, while Jason slid past them and started pulling Silena away.

"Damn it, Percy Jackson, I was trying to be angry," she said.

"I know, Lia," he said, and spun her around so she was facing him, and gently kissed her.

"So... You have to call Uncle Z, huh," Percy said. Thalia smiled at his nervousness, and poked his chin.

"Careful. In about a month, you'll be calling him dad," she said. Percy put his head onto her shoulder, and groaned.

"Our family is so weird," he muttered.

* * *

Three weeks passed, and Percy was nervously sitting in a hotel room in Berlin, after he'd just finished a gig. He was sore, and waiting for Thalia to tell him the news.

In the same room was Jason, Artemis, and Zoë.

A,w,Thalia stepped out, and froze at the sight of three of her siblings.

"Well? Do I get to neuter Jackson," Zoë said. Percy frowned, and scooted away from his crazy relative.

"No, Zoë. You can't. Think of what happens when Dad get here. He'll be here tomorrow. But Percy, I am," she said.

Percy paled a bit as Zoë and her mother pulled out knives, and hid behind Thalia.

"Stop scaring him, girls. I need Kelp Head alive. Besides, sis. He's responsible, and kind," she said.

Her sister and niece pouted and put their knives away, but Jason piped up.

"Only because you terrify him more than Silena and her mom," he said.

"Shut up Jason! Before I tell everyone about Piper and Reyna," Percy said. Artemis and Zoë turned to Jason, who glared at Percy.

"Dick move, bro. Dick move," he said, before running as fast as he could from the duo.

"Explain," Thalia said when the door shut.

"Jace is sleeping with Silena's half-sister Piper AND his high school friend Reyna, who is now the principal of Roma Academy. They also know about one another. So we're really going to be parents," Percy said. Thalia's eyes lit up, and they smiled.

"You know? I never really noticed how beautiful you are when you smile," he said. Thalia huffed and kissed him.

"Shut up. Dad's going to be here tomorrow, and you've already gotten into my jeans several times this month," she said, before she crawled into the hotel bed nearest the shower.

Percy smiled and kissed her.

"I'm gonna get cleaned up, Lia," he said, before he went to get a shower.

* * *

The next day, Percy woke up first. There were seven people in the room besides him and Thalia.

Percy paled at seeing Thalia's dad, and his uncle.

Zeus Grace-Olympia was a very intimidating man. He was an ex-logger who owned the company Percy's dad worked for. He was strong enough to carry three bags of eighty pound concrete with no trouble, and wore an immaculate pinstriped suit. His eyes were a bluish-purple color, and he had jet black hair, and a foot long black beard.

He was talking to Poseidon, who looked like Percy, but older by twenty years.

Behind Poseidon stood a smiling woman with light brown hair and grey eyes. This woman was Percy's mom, Sally Jackson.

Next to Zeus, stood his wife, Hera. She had blonde hair and cobalt blue eyes. Beside her, stood the oldest sibling of their family, Hades di Angelo. He was alone, but he had a wife, Persephone, and a son, Nico. He had a daughter, but she was killed in a gang attack when they lived in L.A.

After that, was Demeter and Hestia. They were almost twins, with dark brown hair, and brown eyes, but Hestia's eyes were a warm chocolate to Demeter's golden brown.

"Thalia, wake up. Everyone's here," Percy said, shaking her.

Zeus laughed. It was booming sound that made Percy think of thunder.

"Poseidon, look at him! Following in the family footsteps," he said.

Percy facepalmed when he remembered that Zeus and his wife were step siblings.

"The boy just woke up, brother. Let him be," Poseidon said. Percy groaned, and Thalia sat up.

A pair of coffee cups were passed to them.

"Wake up, kids. We're going to go celebrate for lunch," Sally said, smiling. Percy smiled at his mom, and swung his feet off the bed.

He smiled at his mom and dad, and sipped on his coffee.

Zeus was still smiling, and Hera was as well.

In all his life, Percy had never seen Hera smile. It was beginning to creep him out, to be honest.

"Well? Get up! It's ten fifty-six, boy," Zeus said. Percy blinked.

"Go get cleaned up, Lia. I'll weather this storm," he said to his still half-asleep girlfriend.

* * *

An hour later, Percy was cramped between Zeus and Ares, Thalia's oldest brother who had just come home from Iraq.

The men of the family were in Zeus' limo, on their way to a fancy restaurant to meet the women, for which Percy was nervous.

He had been forced into an Armani suit he had swore to never wear, and had lost a fair amount of his punk look for the occasion.

And he was nervous as hell.

His Uncle was a very powerful business man, and his children were all powerful as well, in their own rights. His Aunt was the head of a department that finalised marriage certificates.

Ares was a drill sergeant in the Marine Corps. Apollo was the owner of Sunlight Hunting, which was a hunting company that manufactured weapons, and was a big-shot doctor. Artemis taught a self-defence class for women. Hermes owned USPS, and held several world records for physical speed. Dionysus owned a monopoly on the finest wines of America. Hephaestus was an ironsmith, and a very skilled weapons maker. Athena was the smartest woman Percy knew to exist.

He was understandably nervous.

Ares must have noticed, because the man laughed and elbowed him in the side.

"Chill out, kid. Better you than some other punk, I say. And pops knows you're able to protect her. So chill. You'll ruin the suit with your sweat," he said.

Percy was relaxed for the rest of the ride.

* * *

As soon as the men stepped into the restaurant, they were led to a V.I.P. section, secluded from the other customers.

Zeus thanked the waitress, while Apollo began to hit on her.

Percy ignored them, until he heard the door open to admit the ladies of the family.

When he eyes landed on Thalia, he nearly died. She was wearing a black, strapless dress that ended at her knees, and was embroidered in silver. The dress clung to her curves and accentuated them finely.

The men of the family stood and pulled out chairs for their partners, who sat elegantly in them.

Percy smiled at his girlfriend, and was dazzled when she smiled back.

"Close your mouth, chum breath. You'll attract flies," Thalia said imperiously, but with humor strongly evident in her tone. Percy's mouth snapped shut.

"By the gods of metal, Lia, you. Look. Stupefying," he said.

"You, Percy Jackson, have read too much Harry Potter." Percy pouted.

"No such thing, Lia." All conversation stopped when Zeus stood and tapped his glass with his spoon.

The man took a deep breath, and spoke.

"We have precious few family celebrations in this family. But today is cause for a special day. As you know, a month ago, Percy Jackson began dating my lovely daughter, Thalia. Due to a night neither remember, but shall never forget, Thalia wound up with child. As much as I would like to hang the boy by his innards and feed him to Heracles, I cannot. So tonight, we celebrate new life," he said. Then he sat down.

Heracles was Hera's dog. He was a blonde chihuahua-pit mix, and had a temper. And he hated Percy with a passion.

The night passed with a speed that would make light jealous.

Thalia had almost drank a glass of champagne, only to have Apollo pull it out of her hands.

"Are you mad? That's dangerous! No drinking, no smoking, and no stress," he said. As soon as. Percy heard those words, he groaned. He may have thumped his head into the table, but he knew, he just knew, that Thalia was grinning.

"No stress. Hear that, fish breath," he heard her say.

Apollo laughed when he nodded.

"You should have ran," the man said as Percy rubbed his face.

Ares popped up beside him, slightly inebriated.

"And that's the pussy's way out. My little Clarisse is the best thing to happen to me, kid. Even met her mom the same way you did. I may not be around her much, but she's a bundle of joy and strength. Spitting image of her momma, but my attitude and her momma's spitfire personality. Just you wait. I bet you'll wind up with a little hellion," he said, and then groaned.

"On second thought, there's two of you already. A third might wreck the world," he said.

Percy sighed.

"Just go call Eris, Ares. Before I go nuts," Percy said, but smiled at the man.

Ares smirked, pulled his cell phone out, and left the building.

Everyone filed out over time, and soon, Zeus was left alone with Thalia and Percy.

"Take good care of my baby, Percy Jackson," he said as he went to pay the bill. Percy sighed, and looked at the sleeping Thalia.

"Got it, sir," he said as he shook the girl lightly.

* * *

FIN!

So much more is coming, readers.

Next chapter will feature a timeskip into the funniest part I can manage. And we see a few surprise guests make an appearance.

Rock the fuck on, dearies!


	3. AN

I hate having to do this.

I know you guys and gals were expecting another chapter, but I'm sorry...

My muse isn't what it used to be, and I'm about to start working. I have to buy everything. House, Car, internet. And my girl is coming downstate and we'll not be in the US much longer if we can help it.

So I don't have any time for FF...

I so badly wish I could finish a fucking story, people. But for A Storm's A'Comin, I lost the muse fast. I have too many ideas to write a complete story the length of a real book.

And for Rock You Sideways, I had planned to involve the Mafia and Annabeth and Luke and it was ganna be so fucking awesome.

So.

I'm going to put them up for adoption. Take my children, and make them better.

Thrymja Freki...

Signing off...


End file.
